i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
