Jerry, you need to find god
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
