i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Randomize
