so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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