That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
