please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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