Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
