Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
