people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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