she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
