At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize