He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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