6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
