YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
