Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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