It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
