we're blogging at a bar
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
