dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
