It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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