Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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