Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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