i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
