I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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