dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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