Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
