I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
