hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
