I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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