how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
