Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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