Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
