How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't turn off my feet"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
