We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
