and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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