and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
