My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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