So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
