marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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