i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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