Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
