While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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