Redeem this text for a blowjob
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air