Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
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I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."