I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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