Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
