Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
