Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid

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  (630): I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid http://tfl.nu/l9sh
  Replies (10) Good night (2829) Bad night (1170)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift

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  (319): You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift http://tfl.nu/3fcv
  Replies (20) Good night (4850) Bad night (584)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.

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  (512): The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose. http://tfl.nu/i300
  Replies (15) Good night (984) Bad night (6557)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.

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  (706): just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was. http://tfl.nu/tfbm
  Replies (5) Good night (633) Bad night (1731)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend

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  (775): she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend http://tfl.nu/wdj0
  Replies (8) Good night (1089) Bad night (2031)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar

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  (702): As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar http://tfl.nu/w8o7
  Replies (10) Good night (2841) Bad night (608)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza

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  (403): He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza http://tfl.nu/hh1z
  Replies (3) Good night (1652) Bad night (508)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?

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  (480): So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast? http://tfl.nu/qa47
  Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (558)
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  (209): View more from California

  She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.

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  (209): She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana. http://tfl.nu/10jo
  Replies (3) Good night (1880) Bad night (442)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...

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  (902): Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going... http://tfl.nu/liwq
  Replies (4) Good night (1396) Bad night (612)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.

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  (270): I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde. http://tfl.nu/pj3w
  Replies (6) Good night (1076) Bad night (485)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...

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  (217): I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop... http://tfl.nu/qb0c
  Replies (3) Good night (908) Bad night (523)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  We are the best.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ps. We need to take the garbage out.

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  (250): Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job. (1-250): We are the best. (250): Ps. We need to take the garbage out. http://tfl.nu/i0yw
  Replies (4) Good night (840) Bad night (404)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.

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  (713): I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover. http://tfl.nu/74mv
  Replies (3) Good night (559) Bad night (207)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.

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  (612): It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/k02r
  Replies (0) Good night (282) Bad night (204)

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