I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
