were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
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The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?