Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
