Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
