i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
