I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Four minutes until I can fart!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
