my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
