I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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