Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
