I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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