I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
