also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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