I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
