First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
