well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
