i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
