worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
