Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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