What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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