I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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