Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
