I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
