i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
