Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
