Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
