My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
