I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
