When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
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Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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