cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Girls should come with a carfax report
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
