Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
