8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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