dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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