Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
