are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
