y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you still have your period?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
