You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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