you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
