You're completely useless in the revolution.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.