pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there