I hate all girls vehemently.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.