opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
