Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.