Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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