I only kidnapped one of them. chill
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.