the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize